Since starting this blog, really, it has been a debate in my mind of what it should be and what it shouldn’t be. One thing that stood true in the beginning and still stands true today on Jan 4, 2022 is that I want it to be me, and who I am. I want it to be unique yet simple, and a clear representation of myself internally.
With that, though, I oftentimes scroll through my social account and website and feel that I am not up to par or am not doing enough. However, everything that I compare my blog and pages to are simply not me.
I am not a photogenic person, and I never have been. I am not a person that will ever get dressed up just to go and have a mediocre photoshoot downtown. That is not something that I would enjoy doing, it is not something that I have done, and it probably is something that I will not ever do. It may have a bit to do with some insecurity in front of a camera and that’s okay — it’s just not me.
My family never traveled growing up. We went to Florida a few times while I was in middle and high school like every other middle-class Midwest family, but I never took Instagram photos off the coast of Mexico. I probably won’t any time soon, either. I am a college student in Milwaukee and I would be blessed to document a vacation away to the near city of Chicago.
There have been many failed trips that I have planned. There’s absolutely is an itching travel bug in me. Every time I have traveled, it has opened my mind and soul to so many beautiful aspects of this world. However; a college schedule + a job + COVID + a student’s savings account will not allow me to travel the world right now. A dream, indeed, it is. For now though, in my home city I must stay.
I do not care to put enhancing filters on the basic photos that I do take, or upload every image that I take to Facetune. I don’t like taking selfies and I don’t like handing my phone to my friends telling them to take a photo of my every time that I change out of athleisure.
I am doing things in my life now that make me who I am. It is hard when I look at lives that other people do that seem so rich and beautiful content in society’s lens. The rich and beautiful content that I chose to create is based off of the life that I solely live. This life is for me only: for that, it is rich and beautiful in itself. Present day me looks at the same present day me and tells her to keep marching to the beat of my own drum; to do things that signify who I am. Oftentimes, it can be easier said than done.
This page, who I am and who I have grown to be is simply me. I cannot describe it in any other way. That is all that I need it to be. Whether it is in my blog, my Instagram feed, my work, my hobbies, when I’m with my friends: I am me. And what I won’t be is anything but that.
The people, societies and platforms that do not want to accept me for who I am do not deserve me. I will not live a falsified life to please groups that have no prominent impact on me. To conclude bluntly: that would be the most unfulfilling, deteriorating predicament that one could ever live in.
I do, and will continue to do things that people won’t always enjoy. Whether it is preferring to stay in on a GNO or dropping a curse word in an Instagram caption to get my point across - I will never please everybody. That is part of living and being the way that I am meant to be — the way that we all are meant to be, actually. Some of us just would rather blend in with a crowd. That makes life boring. Time on earth is short, and I would rather live a life that is not boring and blended. That is part of what makes me simply me.
I am simply me and there are so many things in this world that are simply not me. I am using this article to deem that from here on out, nothing here will not be me.
A double negative, I know.
Visuals are what catch the eye and visuals can keep a reader around. There is a reason that so many people spend those countless hours in front of a camera. My eye for beauty is beyond that. It is in the simple and it is in the authentic. Yup, that will continue to include amateur yoga time lapses and iPhone photos of Lake Michigan — because that is what I love.
My words will flow from my brain to the notebook, computer or phone with little second-guessing and oftentimes the missed proofread through. Blogs will stay true to my soul and Instagram releases will be near and far between with captions of chapters or no caption at all. Like the visuals: simple and authentic. That is all I want and all I need.
I will upload when I have time and I won’t upload when I don’t. Even if that just means that I do not want to. 2022 is the year of discernment and time, as I mentioned in a recent Instagram post. Those words correlate with my platforms, as well.
As of today I am finished comparing this art to any other. I am finished scrolling through my own feed with judgement and I am finished over analyzing every word, every phrase and every photo behind the “post” button. This is the last time I say it before I never do again: this platform is a space for me. Now, I will make it my own.